What’s Past is Prologue

Traveling alone has always brought contradicting emotions in Zooey. The moment she parted from friends and family, that gate that ended physical interaction, was always a moment of held back tears and a big lump in her throat.

Then once the gate was crossed and she was alone she felt suddnly independent, despite her was already 23 years, she felt the world in her hands.

So once she had found her boarding gate, after the one on her ticket turned out to have been changed, she sat on the nearest chair to the boarding gate – she always felt the urge to get on the plane first and secure space for her trolley- opened her science fiction book that seemed to never end and turned on her iPod.

When her red trolley was securely under her legs and her hand bag safe under her arm, she started reading while Linkin Park distracted her from time to time. Occasionally she would look at people passing by or the ones laughing and talking in front of her, thinking she too could socially engage with someone, but would rather not. And since decisions were hers to make, she decided not to.

After reading three pages she shut the book and decided Linkin Park won over science fiction and that reading outside her comfort zone of classic romantic literature and love stories was not working for her. She was enjoying the vampiric apocalypse Guillermo del Toro’s The Strain described and it was a fast read too to start with, but knowing that somewhere in her bookshelf a heroine was waiting to meet her future lover whom she would hate first than tremendously fall in love with, was more intriguing despite its lack of originality.

It was when her mind had gone back to when she was reading Wuthering Heights for the fifth time – and how she had enjoyed it like it was the first time -  that she noticed a man standing in front of her staring. Her whole body went on alert, the hair on her skin standing as she her father’s usual list of many don’ts suddenly came into her mind.

Don’t talk to strangers or take anything from strangers. Even if the ask to guard their bag while they are at the bathroom. Don’t take any kind of food, even if it’s closed.

As she prepared herself to give the “what do you want” look she always reserved for people who approached her unexpectedly. She realized that man looked familiar and Zooey’s face relaxed as the man came forward smiling.

“Zooey?” As the man gently smiled, Zooey seemed to have lost the use of words, her mouth remained half-opened, while her mind was wondering what were the chances of meeting your ex in an airport, after more than five years of no contacts.

“K-Kevin hi!” She blushed and stood to greet him then crossed her arms and forced a smile as her mind inevitably went back to the moment of their break up and how she had screamed to him on the phone not to call her again. Ever.

Feeling embarrassed and uneasy she sat and to her discomfort, he sat next to her.

“How are you doing? You look good!” He rested his elbows on his knees and titled his head to look at her. She looked away and smiled, thankful for the few minutes she spent in the airport bathroom to put some make up on, before heading to the boarding gate.

“I’m good. What about you?” She tried to shift the attention on him, and it worked for he looked away and stared at his clasped hands in front of him.

“Am alright.” As he played with his fingers, Zooey noticed a shining golden strip on his finger.

“You’re married.” She said before she even realized. He smiled and played with it with his thumb before nodding.

“I don’t know if you remember,” he started after a pause still looking at his hands, “but I once told you I had a dream where we would meet after long in an airport…”

“And I had blue eyes., yes.They are still brown.” she added trying to lessen the tense atmosphere. He forced a laugh and nodded.

“Yes. Well, it was a dream.”

Now Zooey had hoped she still had the book open and was reading, for if she was, Kevin would probably not have noticed her and if he did, he might not have even talked to her.  The more silent they remained, the stronger memories come rushing into her head. Memories of when she met him for the first time in high school. Memories of when she realized she liked him. And memories of how they had parted and the harsh words she said and didn’t regret. She also remember how, more than once, her conscience took the best of her and she tried to apologize, never directly, but through messages. And how he had listen to what she had said to him and never replied to her apologies.

“Listen Kevin…” she started then stopped thinking of changing the subject, but the words were already in her mouth. “I’m sorry how it…you know ended…”

Remembering the wedding ring, she felt that maybe this wasn’t appropriate now that he was married.

“Yea…” he said playing with his ring, “well…it happens.” He sighed and forced a smile. ” We were on different stages of our relationship. I wanted to get more serious and you didn’t.”

Zooey raised an eyebrow something inside her snapping; was he putting the blame all on her?

“I was 18…” she said in a matter of fact tone trying hard to sound calm, “and it’s not like we had a…relationship.”

Kevin looked at her smiling and troubled.

“I mean when I moved to college, we only talked over the phone.” she hastily justified, “and even before, we rarely really met alone.”

He looked back at his hands still smiling and saying nothing.

Zooey felt worse now, but decided to continue with her apologies.

“But I shouldn’t have been that hard on you.” She said rolling her eyes without Kevin noticing.

“You know I was really serious about us. About marriage.” He looked at her, his eyes fixed on hers for the unspoken answer he wished for. But Zooey looked away blushing and shaking her head.

“I was serious about us too” she said, “at first at least. I mean I really liked you. Even when I confessed to you and you sent me off to Mike saying he likes me too and I should be with him.”

“That was a mistake. I think I apologised for it.”

“Yes yes you did. But it wasn’t nice anyways.”

Silence seemed to have taken over the airport; Zooey could hear only her thoughts and memories and people’s voices seemed far and distant.

“You know…” he started while playing his ring, “I still don’t know what went wrong between us. Why it ended I mean.”

Zooey sighed for she expected this to come.

“I don’t know Kevin. I was 18 and going to college. You wanted to get married. I freaked out.” She turned to look at him. “I didn’t feel what we had, was a relationship. Don’t get me wrong I was happy.” She quickly added, “But you never even tried to…kiss me.”

He smiled not looking at her and for a moment hid his face in his hands. His ring shining.

“I mean I know we had been together for a short time and I really liked how you respected me and everything.” she shook her head, “but sometimes I wished you could just push me against the wall…” she blushed hesitating as his ring caught the shadow of someone passing by.

Damn it Zooey, shut the hell up. She thought as she stared at the opening gate time and wished two hours would magically disappeared.

“That-that was inappropriate, I’m sorry.”

“No no it’s fine. At least now I know.” He looked at her, “I thought I was do the right thing with you, you know.” he laughed, “I wanted to push you against the wall every time I saw you. And not just to kiss you.”

Zooey opened her mouth but shut it again her body suddenly becoming hot.

“I thought…I was respecting you. Giving you the time you needed. I wanted to do things right with you.”

“I know I know.” Zooey said scratching her forehead. “We wanted the same things but in different ways I guess.”

He turned and looked her “what do you mean?” he asked smiling wryly.

Zooey smiled blushing and scratching her forehead even harder.

“Nothing, so where are you headed?” She asked trying to change the subject.

“Oh come on!” Kevin insisted punching gently her arm. Zooey laughed shaking her head and feeling her cheeks on flames.

“Oh come one! its more than five years ago! We didn’t talk back then, why not do it now?” He insisted and she could feel he was trying to catch her eyes.

“You are married now.”

“What did you want?”

“Kevin…drop it”

“What did you want?”

“Zooey, what did you want?” He repeated.

“Damn it Kevin,” she snapped, she lowered her voice now turning toward him “I wanted you to kiss me. I wanted you to touch me. I wanted to have sex with you. I didn’t want you just to respect me but to want me also. Happy now?”

Kevin remained speechless his mouth slightly opened. Zooey bit her lower lip nervously. Their lives had taken different directions; he was now married and she was to begin her new life in another country. Was all of this necessary?

Zooey looked at her watch and stood up.

“I-I need to get something before I leave,” She grabbed her bag and pulled her trolley, “It was nice seeing you Kevin. Have a safe trip.” Before he could answer she left heading for no place in particular. She headed for the stairs, far from his sight, and decide she would decide then where to go and hide for the next two hours before she could get on that plane and forget this encounter ever happened.

But before she could reach the stairs, she felt her arm pulled backward. She turned around and Kevin was holding her arm. She opened her mouth to protest, rather irritated but he took her face in his hands and kissed gently then passionately.

When they parted he didn’t look at her, instead he took her hand and walked her behind him. Zooey had just the time to rationally remember to get hold of the trolley and pull it with her. Her mind seemed distant, its sounds too faint now that her heart was echoing loud in her ears. Kevin stopped in front of a door, looked around, then pulled her inside, check if there was someone, then locked the door and went to stand away from her.

Zooey stood by the locked door petrified, the trolley still in her sweaty hand, looking at Kevin. He had his hands in his hair, his tormented face fixed on the dark marble tile floor. When their eyes met, he walked toward her. She instinctively stepped back, her head bumping the door first, then her body.

Kevin didn’t hesitate he kissed her again passionately on her lips, her cheeks, her neck. The few times he paused, Zooey was able to think rationally, but the pauses became less frequent and soon Zooey found herself losing her rational mind and kissing him back.

As they kissed, he moved her toward the sinks, and lifted her onto the counter. He started unbuttoning his white shirt and she pulled off her grey t-shirt. He stopped, looking at her then pulled her against him, hip to hip and kissed her as he unbuttoned her jeans. Zooey pulled him closer her hands over his chest, his back, his arms, then again on his chest. He pulled away, his fingertips over her cheek—pausing to circle her mouth—and stared at her before kissing her again, his hands reaching under her bra.

Her legs were on either side of him; her ankles crossed behind his back while her hands busy in his hair, her fingers wrapping in and pulling him closer.

Except for the occasional call for passengers they faintly heard from behind the door, all they could hear was their heavy breathing on each other’s skins.

When they parted, Kevin gently lifted her off the counter and stepped away, his hands in his hair. Zooey entered a cabin taking some of her clothes on her way. She took a moment to breathe, her mind still intoxicated, then pulled up her jeans and went out of the cabin to look for the rest of her clothes. They dressed silently and as Zooey put back on her t-shirt, she noticed Kevin’s wedding ring, shining, despite the dim light.

She was heading for the door when Kevin pulled her back into his arms and kissed intensely. Their eyes met. She kissed him back, then parted without a word while he was still embracing her. She took her bag and her trolley, unlocked the door and exited.

She headed back to her boarding gat and was almost surprised to find her seat still empty. She sat. Turned on her iPod. Opened her book, but didn’t look at it.

Now not even Papa Roach, could distract her. As the tracks shuffled and repeated themselves, Zooey’s mind kept going back to the bathroom. To what had happened.

If it wasn’t for the crowd that formed in front of the boarding gate, Zooey wouldn’t have realized that it was time to get on the plane. In an automatic reflex she stood and waited for her turn. Before handing her boarding pass though, she instinctively looked behind her. But the crowd had also formed behind her and it was impossible to make out his face. If he even was there.

After she was seated and strangely found an empty spot for her trolley above her, Zooey’s mind was still in the bathroom. Maybe she should have stopped him. Maybe she shouldn’t have left him without saying a word. Maybe she should stopped and talked about it. Maybe she shouldn’t have started talking about their relationship at all.

Maybe she shouldn’t have left him five years ago.

WIP

I’m not dead. Not yet anyways.

But I’ve been working hard on life, work and my book, that already has two drafts though still unfinished.

The problem with me, is I like to edit and if I didn’t have deadlines in my work, I’d probably keep editing the articles until I reach perfection…i.e…I’ll edit forever.

But next month promises to be full of experiences; I’ll travel a lot and hopefully it will help me get some inspiration and find the right route for my book.

I’ve also kept my resolution and started reading outside my comfort zone. The Strain by Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan is definitely NOT something I would normally read. The vampire horror book set in our days is quite good actually. I have to admit it took a couple of pages to adapt to the writer(s) style; some phrases and words in sentence were used in a very strange context. But it’s a fast read and once you get used to, it’s a pretty good thriller.

Before I leave you and disappear again in books and writing, here are few lines excerpt of the book I’m writing. It doesn’t give away anything really, but I can feel the emotions between the words and letters of these lines. And this is also what I’m trying to achieve; put felt emotions in words.

Or maybe I just feel them because of February and Valentine’s Day.

Yeah that’s probably it.

She leans against his chest and he wraps his arms around her, gently stroking the back of her neck with his fingertips. When she lifts her head, he keeps his eyes fixed in hers as he gently slides the coat from her shoulders and caresses her bare arms.

Until next time.

- S

The White’s Way

Josh and Matt have been expecting Usha anytime now; they haven’t seen her for one week and hope this meant she had found their father. But when someone appeared it wasn’t Usha but Irene.

“Where is Usha?” She asked annoyed looking around.

“We thought you knew.” Josh replied even more annoyed. “We haven’t seen her in a while.”

Irene eyes narrowed and looked at them suspiciously.

“Any news?” She asked sitting on an old armchair dust flying around her.

The brothers shook their heads.

“Very strange…” Irene started folding her legs and staring at both brothers.

“What?” asked Josh.

“Well I haven’t talked to her in a while, you haven’t. I wonder what she’s been up to.”

Josh frowned. “Research I guess.”

“Yeah. Maybe you are right. I’m just tired today.” She said waving her hand and resting in the armchair. “Still, I think…no forget about it.”

“Irene if you know something in any way related to our father, just say it or leave.” Josh said coldly Matt nodding behind him.

“Well,” she started standing and walking to the window. She hesitated, thought about her words well, then turned to look at the brothers.

“Well,” she repeated, “Haven’t you ever wondered why Usha is related to your father?”

“Our father helped her.” Matt said.

“How? I mean, how could a human help a demon?”

Both brothers remained silent.

“And why hasn’t she mentioned who she really is.” And this Josh stood and went to her.

“You know?”

“Of course I do! We come from the same place!”

“Then tell us!” Josh demanded furiously.

“And have her kill me? No thanks. It’s not like you can force me.” She looked at him, and his weak body and smiled.

Then moved away and sat on the armchair again.

“But I’m sure she has her reasons. Usha has always her reasons. And she really wants to find you father. Alive.” She tried to sound apprehensive but her bored expression gave her away. She looked around noticing the spider webs at each corner of the room, she touched her head just to make sure nothing was on it.

The brothers were silently considering what Irene has just said. Though each immersed in his own thoughts they were thinking the same thing.

“Well I guess she is not coming.” She said standing. “Tell her I said hi.” And without waiting for a reply she vanished.

Josh looked at Matt.

“I’m tired of this.” he said mouth clenched, “I’m tired of being used by these…things.” He said waving his wands where Irene was just standing. Matt nodded.

“We need to change things.” Matt added looking seriously. “We need to make things our way.”

Josh nodded, “Yes the White’s way.”

New Me New Writing

Recently I’ve found myself writing many different things at the same time. I hope I can keep track of everything. I have a new story in the draft while others are/should be still running. Since I started this blog, I never felt this confident to post even short excerpt of a moment I personally lived or imagined, without needing it to be part of something, (A Hot Summer In Villa Gerardi and A Revealing Ramadan and an Exquisite Chocolate Fondant are an example.)  Bo I’m happy the new direction I’m taking, and I think it shows in my writing.

What I can be sure of though regarding my stories, is that Usha will have an ending. I always had the story full formed in my mind and it’s still there. As for the rest I cannot promise anything, most of the time I start with an idea that could have many possible events, but still no ending. But I’m thinking to re-start The Adventures of Elena Rose and Cleo, edit it a little bit and give it a second try.

I’m also undergoing a complete makeover. I’ve decided drop full-time journalism to become an English teacher. The reason? Journalism fascinated me only when it came to writing. I’m not the type to run after interview. English teaching on the other hand, is something I always more or less did; in group studies while at school, I was the one being “the teacher” and sometimes during the summer I helped with private tutor. So I’m researching everything courses, masters and all that might come handy. I give myself one year, then I can panic and get depressed of my uncertain future, in case I fail.

But before I could do that, while in Italy I decided to chop my long hair short. It might not be something big, and I actually feel quite stupid typing it. But it was something I wanted to do for a long time but always hesitated. I hesitated because i meant going against the stereotype of women=long hair. A stereotype I always felt considering all my female friends have long shinning hair. Mine was always in a ponytail and I always supported my female friends that went short. So I gathered all my courage and cut. And ever since i did , i felt free. Not 100% free, but I think I can safely say I reached 60%….ok maybe 40% My mind is not easy to defeat! Its more like, now I can be who I am without torturing my mind on whether I should or not…on almost everything.

So expect new style of writing, new stories or better new excerpt of…something!

- S

A Hot Summer In Villa Gerardi

As it frequently happened at the latest hours of the night, S felt the sudden desire to write. Not a reminder note of things to do or a catchy phrase her mind has just come up with, but a story, fully narrated in her mind that she knew, it would be forgotten when by the first rays of the morning.

With a snort, she stretched and sat on the bed. It was autumn, and despite the weather being quiet warm during the day, at night you could feel the winter coming, with the pierce cold wind trying to get between your clothes and your skin. Still in the dark, S tapped the end of the bed in search of her robe. When her hands finally found it, she put it on, slipped into her cat-shaped slippers with difficulties and sneaked quietly to the kitchen.

She didn’t check the clock, but she suspected it would be 2 or 3 in the morning. Everyone in the building was deep asleep and so was her eight-years old cat who didn’t even bother to look at  her as she switched on the kitchen light. Her eyes imediately closed, she squeezed them with her fingers, then waited. When she could opened her eyes again, she went to the sink and fill a small tea-pot with water and placed it on the cooker. She has always promised herself to buy one of those small water boilers, but whenever she browsed at them at the supermarket, she always postponed it to the next week’s shopping list.

She warmed her hands on the small pot’s heat then folded them under her armpit to keep the heat as much as she could on her hands. When she felt her hands were warm enough, she opened the counter next to the cooker and took a tea bag of green tea and mint. On the counter, on the opposite side of the kitchen, she looked at her mugs. She has always preferred drinking tea in a mug than a tea-cup; it could hold much more tea at once without having to fill it with water each time. Most of her mugs were of cities, with the classic capital I followed by a heart just above the city name. They had been souvenirs friends and family had brought back from their travels as gifts. The few ones she did buy while she was on vacation, were the ones with NY and Italia stamped on it. But as she took the white NY mug, she remembered she never used the one her brother bought her after a short visit to London. She put back the NY mug and took the London one instead and closed the counter. She leaned next to the cooker as she put the tea bag inside the mug and waited for the water to boil; she could already see little bubbles forming at the bottom of the tea-pot.

As she waited, her story hunted her. S never felt her stories were worthy enough to be read. Most of her stories were a pleasure for her only, as if her mind tailored them for her personal pleasure. Maybe that explained why when she sat down and started writing, or even drafting, they immediately lost the enthusiasm, that strong force that would wake her up and give her no sleep until something was done. For S, that something meant writing. She wrote smalls reminders of the story so, even if it didn’t turn into a full length-written story, she could still continue it and live it in her mind. Until she lived it so many times, it was of no interest anymore. Than she would have to wait until her mind would generate a new story.

Nadine … S thought as the water started boiling. She carefully took the tea pot from the handle and poured the water inside the mug until adequately full. The tea bag started floating as the water changed into a deep dark yellowish color. She put four full tea spoons of sugar, trying as much as she could to avoid the floating tea bag, then took her mug and headed to the livingroom.

She carefully put the London mug on her the desk and turned on her laptop and the small table lamp next to it. She sat on the wooden chair, her knees pressed on her chest and placed the hot mug on her knees in perfect balance to warm her a little, her hands near just in case. The laptop’s desktop image shined a picture taken some years ago. She stared at it for a minute, faintly smiled then opened a blank page and started writing.

****

Once upon a time … no, the story didn’t happen so long ago and it’s more real than a fairytale. It was a calm afternoon of an extremely hot summer. During the day, everything stood still, motionless as if the earth had been robbed of all living creatures. The only sound came from crickets hidden under leaves and bushes that surrounded the pool of Villa Gerardi. The Gerardi and their guests, seeked refuge inside the air-conditioned story yellow painted. The windows were big and white and the curtains have been visibly tighed aside to let the sun inside. The only movement came from the ground floor; people moved from one room to another sometimes with filled glasses in their hands. Surrounding the yellow villa was a huge perfectly green garden. Tall trees marked the stoned path that forked few meters from the villa’s entrance, just to meet again right in fron the huge white door steps.  At the back of the villa was the crytaline swimming pool where Nadine seeked her refuge. She had her big black sun glasses and bulky straw hat on and wore her favourite one piece swimming suit with the deep V neck that reached half her chest. She sat by the pool side, her legs half inside the water next to her a cocktail in a half coconut with a small green umbrella the butler, Alfredo has kindly brought her instructed by her father.

Nadine Gerardi Villani hasn’t visited her family villa since her marriage, two years ago to Riccardo Villani. After dating Ricky for one year while studying in the UK, Ricky, finally proposed to her after a fine dinner in one of the most luxurious restaurants in London. A day Nadine has always dreamed of since the day she met him. After the marriage in the catholic church she spent her childhood’s Sundays and the dress designed by her mother, a famous local stylist, the wedding reception was held at Villa Gerardi with the garden filled with pastel colors of pink and green.

Nadine never expected her first visit home as a married woman, would be for the another wedding reception, her father’s. Her parents divorced when Nadine was 16 and soon later her mother remarried to an Italian business man two years after the divorce. It took longer for her father, who always wanted to see her little girl happy and settled, before he could think of his own private life. Once his little girl was grown-up and settled, he decided it was time for him to think about himself again and on a vacation to Las Vegas, in a limp, married Vanessa Hacker.

When her father called her to announce his marriage, Nadine was furious and concerned about the real intentions of the woman and her son whom she never met or heard about and the hastily marriage he has agreed on. Even though her father reassured her more than once, she called all influential friends in America, for information about the woman only to find nothing, except for the son who has spent most of his childhood in and out from reformatory.

Nadine has pressed her father to meet the new family, and in order to please her, he arranged a late wedding reception back at his villa in Tuscany. So Nadine flew with Ricky, from her now home London, back to Tuscany in order to meet her stepmother and stepbrother.

She snorted checking the golden watch on her slim wrist. When she had arrived early in the morning, Vanessa and her son Bradley, were out apparently jogging, then would head downtown to buy some last stuff for the reception. When Nadine asked why she hasn’t sent someone to get them, her father laughed and said she still wasn’t used to be served. It was now 14:00 and there was no sight of the American duo. At 12:00 Nadine had suspected they couldn’t handle the whole Gerardi family questions, especially her questions that she kept revising in her mind, and decided to leave the country. At 13:00 it became a certainty to her and could imagine them back in their little apartment in Las Vegas.

As she turned to take her coconut cocktail, Nadine noticed a man sitting on her deck chair. She startled and the coconut almost fell from her hands. The young man sat with his legs parted, half bent his arms resting on his knees. There was no doubt he was staring at Nadine and Nadine noticed it with annoyance. But what she noticed even more, were the tattoos that covered both his arms and a few popping out from his white t-shirt.

Nadine took off her black glasses and addressed the man.

“If you are here to clean the pool, you can pass later, I’m not done yet.” But the man kept staring at her without responding. Nadine frowned and tried in English, then French but the man remained silent. Nadine shook her head and gave up, she put her sun glasses on and continued to stare at the endless garden.

Suddenly she felt a hand touching her shoulder and she immediately shook the hands off almost screaming in anger. She turned, ready to verbally assault the man sitting on the deck chair only to see it was Ricky.

“What’s wrong? I didn’t mean to scare you.” He asked holding his arm back.

“Well you did.” Ricky helped her get up then pulled her toward him and kissed her trying to avoid her straw hat.

“What is it?” She asked bending to take her cocktail and tiptoed to the table next to her deck chair, the ground was burning. She looked around in search of the man, who Nadine now suspected to be a gardener, but no one was there.

“They are here.” Nadine immediately perked at those words. She put the cocktail on the table and wore her transparent cover-up, one of her mother’s creation, and turned in search of Ricky who was already next to her. She took off her sun glasses and placed them on the table next to the cocktail. She went for her hat, then decided to take it off once inside the house.

“Everything will be alright.” He whispered as he rubbed her shoulder. She nodded took a deep breath and went inside the villa holding Ricky’s hand.

A Revealing Ramadan and an Exquisite Chocolate Fondant

Ahmed hastily wrote down the orders of the couple sitting a table three. He bowed sightly as he usually did when he was about to leave, and smiled courteously. The restaurant was full as customary during the summer; both in doors and outdoors tables were filled with couples, families and young women laughing loudly. During the last years though, the restaurant was full even more than usually and it was all thanks to the month of fasting, better known as Ramadan, that puts the whole Muslim population in agitation, bad temper and an irascible desire break the fasting in company of family they never see and friends they chat with everyday.

For Ahmed, and all the other waiters in every restaurant, it meant extra work, but also better and higher tips. The month of Ramadan is yes the month of fasting, but also an excuse to be generous. As he torn the paper and handed it to the kitchen, he check the clock. 18.15. There were still half an hour before the fasting was over so he decided to give a last glance to the soups and salads indoors. They were laid on a long table in the typical style of an open-buffet. Mushroom and lentil in large soups pots were first next to small white porcelain soup bowls . After the pots of soups started the salads. Some were put on a higher level than the rest to benefit more an esthetic sense than practical. He adjusted a bowl of feta cheese salad that didn’t really need an adjustment. He check the clock again. 18.16. Before heading outdoors, he decided to check if every table had a bottle of fresh water and with disappointment, and after scanning three times the room, Ahmed concluded that every table had a bottle of water. He glanced at the clock one more time. 18.16. He frowned thinking the wall clock’s batteries were probably dead and check his wristwatch for safety. 18.17. He sighed with relief of the minute that according to his watch did pass and headed outside to receive the guests.

Soon later a young woman, with short dark straight hair, came smiling toward him. He smiled back politely noticing her bared shoulder and asked if she had a reservation.

“Yes,” she said, half turned, trying to put something in her bag, “it should be under the name of Salma?” The waiter nodded remembering the young lady and her friend he accompanied to table number seven couple of minutes earlier. He showed her the way with his hands pointing at the table. The young woman thanked politely and as she went to greet her friends, Ahmed turned to give one last glance at her.

******

Sabrina hugged her friend Salma as she noticed Aya was also there. As usual in these situation, Sabrina felt awkward and embarrassed; she wasn’t sure how long a hug was supposed to last. And for some reason, she always cheek-kissed from the wrong side.

“How are you? Your hair looks gorgeous!” Aya said has she hugged Sabrina tight. Sabrina kissed her on her cheek, starting from the left side only to lately realize Aya was tilting her head toward the same side. Sabrina smiled and quickly changed the direction of her head.

“Thanks I just cut it” Sabrina embarrassed touched the back of her hair that barely touched the end of her neck. As Salma also joined the compliments, Sabrina sat smiling politely as she usually did when people complimented her. She took out her phone from her pocket at the back of her tight jeans, and put it on the table.

“We were doing some catching up,” Salma explained as Aya continued talking about her new career an the interior design magazine. Sabrina nodded as she laid the handkerchief on her laps. She put both her elbows on the table resting her chin on her fist. As Salma and Aya talked, Sabrina scanned the room and nodded occasionally. With her other free hand she adjusted her hair behind her ear, only to take it off from behind her ear almost immediately. The buzz of people talking and laughing was too loud and Sabrina had difficulties hearing her friends conversation. She heard how Aya still didn’t know whether or not to be excited about the position, and how Salma pushed her and suggested she could renovate the magazine in something targeting local readers more. Suddenly Sabrina felt she wore something too revealing. The reason she liked to check the room, was to see if someone was wearing like her or similar. She always felt she was either covering herself too much or too less and according to what she saw she was the only woman with a sleeveless white blouse.

“What about you?” Salma asked curiously. Sabrina perked and smiled trying not to give away that she wasn’t listening. Hoping her friends could her as less as she did, she started saying about her new career shift. Despite the three of them studied Journalism and graduated almost the same year, only Sabrina wasn’t feeling a journalist. She worked as a full-time editor and writer only to realize she liked writing more than reporting and that the job was too much a stress for her. Only recently she realized how teaching could fund her expenses as well as being a stimulating job. Unfortunately Sabrina was followed by indecision all her life, of only one thing she was sure, writing. But as she spoke about how her year spent teaching English in a nursery turned out to be quite interesting, she found herself much more content with announcing her decision to embark in the English teaching career, than telling she’s still doing some freelancing writing here and there.

After she was done narrating a part of her life, Sabrina gave one quick glance at the soups on the long table next to them. She hoped there would be her favorite, mushroom soup. But there were no labels on the large pots. She touched her glass already filled with water with her fingers now wet from condensation. As if burnt she immediately withdrew her hand, remembering that she supposed to be fasting. Or at least this is what she told her friends, and anyone that asked her apart from her family. Fasting in summer wasn’t easy for her. Fasting never is, but Sabrina preferred a much more relaxed serene month than a nervous sick one.

When asked about her summer, Sabrina said she just returned from a two month escape in her homeland in Italy. Despite the indecision of whether going and spend two whole months with her lamenting grandmother. She didn’t hate her, even if since childhood she saw her only once a year. But Sabrina had troubles resisting the continuous useless laments that every old person tend to increase as they get older. Spending more time outside her grandmother’s house though has made her days more fun than she had expected and no feared that, in order to revive her social life, she had to move there. As the thought stared taking shape in her mind, dragging anxiety and frustration along with a slight sense of sadness, Sabrina decided to shut out the thought by taking a deep breath and checking the time on her phone. 18.20.

“Even if I work in a managerial position in a newspaper, I sometimes feel so lost!” Salma started with a smile. Sabrina asked her what her job was and she explained she was responsible for the online version of one of the famous local newspapers. Salma also added how still now, she wasn’t sure whether she liked her job or not.

“I know I’m not supposed to do that,” she started with a small laugh, “But sometimes we receive so many bad comments of people who hate us,  I just go delete!” She mimicked it with her finger and they all laughed.

Suddenly, the table with the soups and salads was filled with people as usual coming from all directions rather than lining up and wait for turns and this irritated Sabrina a little, and hope her friends would wait until the table was clear before heading there. Sabrina had the tendency whenever things didn’t go right, to make it a personal matter. If she had a stronger personality she would probably have stood and asked everyone to stand in line. But she didn’t have that kind of personality, so instead she sat, looking at the soups and salads table, shaking her head.

Salma and Aya simultaneously brought the glass of water to their mouths and Sabrina did the same. The whole restaurant did. They emptied half the glass, then Aya suggested they head for the soups. Most people had gone back to their tables now and were avidly eating. Sabrina was happy to hear her favourite mushroom soup was there. A waiter was standing behind the soups and cordially serving the guests. As he poured the soup in Sabrina’s bowl, she noticed how few pieces of mushrooms were showing in the creaming pale soup. When her bowl was full, Sabrina carefully put the it back on the table. Aya and Salma followed her and then headed for the salads.

Sabrina and Aya went straight for the caesar salad. Sabrina tried, as much as she could, to take as much chicken strips as possible. After some digging with the spoon, she realized they had put only a few stripes of chicken or they had all been taken already. Luckily, she found one and placed it with triumph on the green salad. She went back to her seat, and as she placed the plate in front of her, she realized how too much salad she had taken. She gave a quick glance to Aya’s caesar salad and she realized she had forgotten the dressing. unfortunately she didn’t see going back to the table for the dressing as an option. They were all seat already.

After they had finished their soups and started their salads, a waiter brought their first courses they had ordered by phone. Sabrina wasn’t familiar with the restaurant, and had spent quite a lot of time deciding on what to eat. She was more concerned about the ingredients than what she wanted to eat. Not that she was selective with food. Not at all, in fact, in the last years she had found herself eating pretty much everything, and liking it, except for meat. More than the taste of meat, she didn’t like how it felt under her teeth.  Usually when eating in a new restaurant she thought first on the effect the food would have on her stomach; she didn’t want to have to go to the restroom.

Because of this, she decided to choose something simple that shouldn’t mess her stomach much; Chicken breasts filled with mushrooms accompanied by sautéed vegetables and french fries. As the plates were placed in front of them, Sabrina gave a furtive look at her friends plates. She didn’t recognize their plates; she guessed Aya might have taken fish, since if she remembered correctly she was a vegetarian that ate fish. While Salma, it looked like chicken covered with a dark sauce and accompanied by rice.

The girls spent most of the time silently eating though occasionally, someone would start a conversation. Half way through their dishes, Salma asked if they had any news about their friends who studied journalism with them. Sabrina shook her head first; she barely kept in touch with Salma and Aya. Aya thought a little, then admitted she hasn’t heard from any since their graduation. The conversation was quickly shifted to the tv series shown during the month of Ramadan. Sabrina shook her head saying she didn’t watch, or heard of any. The conversation continued between Aya and Salma, while Sabrina silently examined her food.

Not that there was something wrong with her food. It wasn’t tasty as Sabrina had imagined, but it wasn’t bad either. But this didn’t prevent her from picking at her food and examining what was on her fork before eating it.

When they were done with their main courses. Salma suggested they go outside for desserts since the weather seemed less hot now that the sun was down. When her friends agreed she stopped a waiter carrying some empty dishes to the kitchen if there was an empty table outside and ordered a chocolate fondant for three afer checking with her friends if they agreed. The waiter nodded and promised he will ask. Minutes later he came back and politely accompanied them to a table outdoors.

Sabrina felt much better as she sat on the steel chair in the outdoor dining area of the restaurant. It wasn’t hot outside and the refreshing summer breeze was much of a relief after dinner than the cold air condition. She looked around her and realized most have left from when she had entered the restaurant. But outside the restaurant it was filled with people walking in the street closed for cars.

“So any news on the boys related issue?” Salma asked smiling at both Aya and Sabrina. Aya lowered her eyes and shook her head.

“The thing is,” she started  a little bit embarrassed, “they are all taken! The left ones aren’t good enough.” Both Sabrina and Salma nodded in agreement. Salma started saying how most of her friends are getting either engaged or married, some are even pregnant. Sabrina nodded as she saying how an old school friend of her just had a baby. She considered telling about her small useless flirt she experienced when she was in Italy. Maybe spicing it up a little with imaginary details to make her story even more interesting. Or she could tell of her friend, she worked with once but never met, that almost incessantly chatted with her on Skype. As she decided which story to tell and narrate it first inside her head, the chocolate fondant was placed in the middle of the table and her story was of no interest anymore.

As the girls started eating, going deeper toward the center to see and taste the hot chocolate coming out of the cake, a woman followed by a man came into the outdoor area of the restaurant. Sabrina noticed her immediately as she was wearing a short sleeveless dress. Probably everyone noticed her in the restaurant as the woman followed the man between the table with her high wedges.She was no longer in sight but Sabrina suddenly felt less naked in her sleeveless blouse and straightened her back a little feeling much more relaxed and less watched. She was starting to feel at ease, comfortable and enjoying the night out with her two friends she hasn’t seen since last summer. She took a big piece of cake and rubbed it against the plate to coat it with the melted hot chocolate. She hesitated on the plate, then quickly put the fork in her mouth. She closed her lips tighten as she took the fork out of her mouth to leave in as much melted chocolate as possible. She smiled at the compliments her friends gave to the cake, and with the side of her fork, cut another piece of cake.

******

The woman wearing the sleeveless short dress following the man outside the dinning area noticing a young woman wearing a sleeveless blouse. As she mixed with the crowd, she thought how the despite that young woman’s tries, she wasn’t as revealing and nonconformist as she was. With her finger she adjusted her hair, up in an excellent bun, raising her head a little. As she walked through the crowd, she remained with her head slightly up, following her husband inside another restaurant.

Desserts

Usha found nothing about Marie. Nothing more than what the brothers told her. As far as she knew, Marie didn’t exist as a human. This meant two things; either she was an angel or demon, or she, as a human, was hiding something and had to erase anything that lead to her.

She entered a restaurant sighing. She chose the table next to the window and opened the menu. She wasn’t hungry for human food, but in order to get the attention of men sitting by the bar in rush hour, she had to play this scene.

It didn’t take long before a man, holding a glass of wine, came toward her.

“May I join you?” he asked with a smile. Usha smiled back. A part of her pitted those men who couldn’t control the attraction they felt for her. She was a temptation they couldn’t resist.

Usha was about to make a better offer when Arech suddenly appeared.

“She already has company.” He bluntly said as he seated himself in front of Usha. The man scratched his head and left without a word.

“That was my lunch.” Usha said annoyed pointing toward the back of the man.

“I know.”

Usha rolled her eyes and went back to look at her menu. Maybe I drag him inside the bathroom, she thought as she flipped the pages of the menu. The waiter came for the orders, but Usha dismissed him.

“What do you want Arech?” Usha snapped closed her menu and folded her arms. Arech gently closed his menu and looked at Usha.

“I said I would help, and here I am.”

“And I should believe that? I think you are only trying to keep me away from my meals.”

“What are you investigating on now?” Arech asked ignoring her remake. He called for the waiter and ordered two caesar salads.

“Something strange happened when I was patrolling with Josh.”

“What?”

“I blacked out and found myself in a motel in bed with Josh.” Arech tensed and raised an eyebrow as his jaw stiffed. Usha smiled as her memories perfectly decoded this posture.

“And what happened?” He asked rather listlessly.

“I don’t know, I don’t usually black out.” Usha said. The waiter came with their orders. As he placed the plate in front of Usha he smiled at her and hesitated more than usual. She smiled back as she imagined what she will take for dessert. Then he was called, and he left reluctantly.

“I didn’t mean that. I mean with you and Josh…” He didn’t change his posture; he remained tensed with his arms folded.

Usha took her fork and started picking at her salad, strangely enjoying this situation.

“You mean..”she started smiling, “if we slept together?” She eyed him but Arech didn’t reply, but his silence was clearly a yes.

Usha shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know, maybe.” She left the fork in the plat and rested on the chair. “What? You’re jealous little angel?”

Aresh tensed as he looked outside the window. Usha on the other hand, took the opportunity to look around. The restaurant was empty; everyone had gone back to work and she was only left with waiters and women. The waiter that served them looked at her and smiled. She smiled back. Apparently she didn’t have a choice.

When Usha looked at Arech he was still looking outside the window. Usha took the fork again and picked a piece of chicken. She ate other two pieces before Arech looked back at her and spoke.

“What did you find?” He asked. His mood changed; now he was nervous and irritated.

“Nothing.” Usha said as she put back the fork in the plate. “But whoever did it, it’s not human.” Arech nodded.

“Why would someone do that anyway?” He asked as he took his fork. He held it for few seconds then he placed it back on the table again. Now Usha tensed. No matter how much she knew him, she didn’t trust him. Arech was one of the others, he turned her back on her once and he could easily do it again.

Usha decided not to tell him of her plan once she found Adam. No one knew about it and Arech was the last one that needed to know. He wouldn’t approve anyway.

“Well,” she said as she looked outside the window, “they are Adam’s sons. I got them into all this, if something happens to them, Adam wouldn’t forgive me.” As the words came out, Usha realized she had said more than needed and too near the truth. She thought what would happen when Adam would learn the fate Usha led them to. She only hoped it would be after he saved her.

Arech seemed to accept the reply Usha gave as he nodded then stood up.

“If it involves the safety of humans, we need to give it priority. I’ll let you know if I find something.” And before Usha could tell him that his help was not needed, we walked toward the exit. Usha knew it had nothing to do with humans, but before her thought could go any further the waiter came at her table.

“I hope you like the salad, your friend left rather quickly.” He took Arech full plate and asked if she wanted to order something else.

“I think I’ll have dessert,” she said smiling resting her chin on her hand. “But before,” she said standing up “could you show me where the restroom is.” She took Arech plate and placed it back on the table. The waiter rubbed his hands on his trousers and quickly showed Usha where the restroom were.

Usha checked if the women’s restroom was empty. Then she dragged the waiter inside by his shirt and locked the door.

“I think I’ll have the dessert here.”

Where is Northanger town?

“There are a few things I wanted to ask you, if you don’t mind.” Devon handed the plates to Jess, who placed them on the table, each in front of a chair.

Jess has been living with the Waine for one week now. She still didn’t feel comfortable especially knowing that half of the family wasnt happy she had joined. One in particular Lilly who first thought of Jess as a heavy slowing burden and now as an intruder after her father said she would sleep in Lilly’s room.

Devon, or uncle dev as he asked Jess to call him, had a small 2 story cottage  1km from a highway Jess never heard about. In the first floor was the kitchen, living room and dining room where Jess was helping out. The stair placed in the middle of the floor led to the 3 bedrooms and two bathrooms one of which connect Lilly’s room with Noah and jays. Of all her house, Jess missed her bathroom more as it was the only room in her house, where she could get some privacy. Now that the number of people living under the roof were more and bathrooms less and Jess found herself with no time to sit and think. Not to mention the recent events made her much more irritable and short-tempered and Jess had to resort to her pills more than usual.

“What things?” Jess asked as she placed the forks next to the plates.

“Well, for instance why Northanger town is not on the maps.”

“It is on the maps. Maybe not important ones. It’s a small town.”

“We have almost all maps.”

Jess laughed. “Why do you have all maps?” But uncle Dev didn’t reply.

The two remained silent. Then uncle Dev spoke again. “You see,” he started, “I looked for Northanger town on all maps I have. Even online. But I didn’t find anything.”

“It’s not the number 1 tourists destination.” Jess defensively responded. Uncle Dev nodded and continued cooking.

“But there has to be something.” Uncle Dev insisted. “Anything. A map of the town itself. Something to prove its existence.”

Jess sighed frustrated as she took her pills from her pocket. She swallowed two without water and closed her eyes as she felt the calming effect of the pills prevailing her. She put away the now empty bottle back in her pocket, promising to take another full one from her bag.

“I can show you my ID after dinner.” She said. “Maybe you can find something from there.” Jess smiled as she put the last glass on the table.

“Yea maybe.” Uncle Dev looked at her, then went back to his cooking. Noah came in smelling the air.

“Finally cooked food!” He said as he rubbed his hands. “Is it done yet?”

“Yea almost.” He said as he stirred inside the pan. “Jess, could you kindly go call Lilly and Jay? I think they are outside.” Jess nodded and went outside kitchen. Uncle Dev looked behind him then called at Noah.

“Get her bag and hide it downstairs.” He whispered to Noah as he placed the pan on the table.

“Why?”

“There is something strange about her and her town.” Noah nodded and disappeared from the kitchen.

Few seconds later, Jess came back with Jay and Lilly. Noah came minutes later nodding to uncle Dev.

“I hope you guys are hungry!” He exclaimed as the rest sat at the table, eagerly waiting for their plate to be filled.

Purgatory

Zooey stopped , as the group continued to follow the man named L in the endless fog.

Second Chance? She thought confused. She remembered clearly what happened before she woke up in that strange place. She remembers the pills, the vodka, the music.

“I don’t want a second chance.” She found herself suddenly saying. The group heard her and stopped slowly turning to look at her. The blond woman Zooey had talked to earlier ran toward her and grabbed her arm, pulling her hastily.

“Just walk,” she whispered, but Zooey pulled free her arm. The blond woman looked uncertain around her. Suddenly the group opened and L walked, hands in pockets, toward Zooey.

“What’s the matter? We are already late.” He asked annoyed.

“Nothing nothing, she was still sleeping and she is a bit confused.” The woman started playing with a strand of her hair, obviously nervous. L looked at Zooey waiting for a confirmation.

“I don’t want a second chance.” She repeated slowly. L raised an eyebrow while the blond woman behind him, widened her eyes. L took out a hand from his pocket and scratched his chin looking behind him, toward the waiting group.

“Everyone wants a second chance.” He said annoyed.

“She does, she does…she is confused. Just confused.”

“I’m not confused. I want to go where I’m supposed to.” Zooey asserted irritated she couldn’t understand what was going on. She didn’t care really. The moment she had decided to take the pills, was when she wanted to end everything. And this was not the end she has expected.

“This is where you are supposed to be.” L said with a sigh scratching his forehead. The blond woman looked with anxiety at Zooey and L. And decided intervene.

“I’ll explain everything to her. We won’t bother you anymore. We will follow you.” L looked at her, then at Zooey and without saying anything he walked toward the group. When he disappeared in the group it started walking again.

“Listen to me young lady.” The blond woman said pulling her arm. “I don’t care what you want. I won’t let you ruin this for me. Understood? If you don’t want to do anything, don’t. Just follow.”

“Do what exactly?” Zooey asked trying to free her arm. But this time the woman was holding her tight. She started walking and Zooey found herself following her.

“This is Purgatory. We are given a second chance. We can still go to heaven and I’m going and I’m not letting you take it away from me. Understood? Now follow silently, do nothing and we will all get what we want.” She finally let go of Zooey’s arm and walked quickly toward the group.

Zooey rubbed her arm. Purgatory? Heaven? Second Chance? This wasn’t what she wanted. This wasn’t why she had taken the pills. She wanted to end all the doubts, the questions, the choices that life always offered.

Am I still alive? She thought as she reluctantly followed the group.

Second Chance

Zooey, strangely, woke up looking at a white ceiling. She frowned thinking she hasn’t made it and eventually ended in hospital. She closed her eyes then opened them again hoping for a new vision. But all she could see was the white ceiling.

“Looks like sleeping beauty is waking up.” She looked around her and realized it wasn’t only the ceiling that was white, but everything around her was white. There were no furniture. No walls. Just endless white. And Zooey was immersed in it.

She sat and looked around her trying to find who spoke. As she turned she found a group not standing far from her all dressed in white. They were all looking at her, confused and anxious.

“Where am I?”

“Well sleeping beauty, if you’d waken up early you would have heard the introduction.” None of the people in the group she could see spoke. But someone was trying to make him way through them. A man emerged, dressed in a white suit, and walked to her. He offered his hand.

Zooey hesitated, but accepted his hand and he helped her stand.

“Now if you could gently follow me as we are late and L is waiting for you. And he doesn’t like waiting.” Zooey followed the man that stopped in front of the group. He made sign to her to stand with them and she obeyed confused.

“Wha-” The man held up with hand and Zooey stopped.

“I’d love to repeat, but we are late. Ask your group.” He adjusted his blazer. “Now go.” He smiled, snapped his fingers, and he was gone. The immense white was gone. Instead they were under a cloudy sky. Their feet on hard pavement as the wind gently blew their white clothes.

“Finally.” The whole group turned and found another man standing. Dressed more casual and with a harder, colder look.

“What’s happening?” Zooey asked the blonde woman standing next to her.

Without turning to look at Zooey, she whispered, “we are given a second chance.”