It has been a really strange year. With all honesty, i can’t say It was the worst of my life, nor the best though. Usually I would have either many good things or many bad things. But this year it was as if the good and bad decided for a truce and divide the year for me.
I lost friends, found few in return. But it’s ok, I’ve never been a social butterfly. The occasional hang outs are fine. No, I’ll be honest sometimes I miss not having dinner with a friend or hanging out with friends. And I blame my personality for it. And because of this I’m having a dilemma; change me or keep searching for more suitable friends? I’m still working on it.
Love was absent. It is probably me again. It’s not that I don’t want to love. I do. I miss loving and being loved. But I want a solid relationship. I want a family. And as you know, I’m really selective.But I want to be hugged, kissed, being able to hear my heart beat, smiling like an idiot when I see the person I love, being able to be myself in front of that person. I’m a romantic I need love in my life.
On the other hand I found a job. One I never imagined I could like. In April it will be one year. I’ve never worked so long in one place. I don’t adore the place, lets put this clear; but it’s rewarding and challenging. For now it is ok. It also made me realize that after all, I don’t hate kids and I want to be a mother one day.
I found Cleo. Last year, the stray dog I found died after suffering a lot. I cannot think about it without crying. Then one day, Cleo was outside my flat door. I live on the third floor, how could a small kitten like her make all those steps? I took her in that same day, It’s the best gift I could ever have.
I started a mental journey to “care less”. Meaning not to stress myself out. I’ve realized that problems are everywhere and if I let them invade and eat my mind every time and for everything, I’ll probably end up dead or with some serious problems. I still make a fuss out of a tiny little problem, but I’m able to care less and sleep more.
I have decided to give it a shot with my dream; being a writer. Blogging has made it easier, but I still think it’s a far away dream. But at least I’m seriously working on it. I have three stories so far. Short stories I guess. Everything is still under construction.
Now my list:
I want love. I’m 23 (I don’t think I’m old or anything, but still) and want to put my high school and college relationship in a distant past. I’m not asking for the perfect man, but the right one for me. You know how difficult I am and old fashioned. So I know this might be difficult, but it will really make me happy.
I want my place in the world. I’m almost there. I almost outlined who I am and what I want to be. I couldn’t see myself even 3 years from now. But now I can. Help me finish what I started. It’s like an extension of the old gift.
I want to make my family happy. I want to see them healthy and happy. I want peace for me and my family.
Because of last year, I will put extra milk and cookies under the tree